What Fear Costs Your Team Over Time

Leadership is an act of courage. It requires making tough decisions, choosing unconventional paths, and staying resilient when faced with challenges and setbacks. It requires killing projects with sunk costs and investing that time and energy into potential prospects. It requires standing apart and pushing through for the right cause even when everyone around is choosing a safe path. 

Leaders make hundreds of decisions throughout the day and every small decision they make and every action they take has a substantial impact on the growth of the organization and its people. Their underlying feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness, hidden motives to be liked and respected and unfounded concerns around appearing vulnerable can sometimes manifest as fear—fear of not being liked, fear of failure, fear of not knowing, fear of being judged, fear of being found out or fear of losing their position. 

This can make them play safe by sticking with the status quo, avoid decisions with unknowns and uncertainty to limit mistakes, people please to avoid being disliked or pretend to know things when they don’t have a clue.  

Fear that starts from the top seeps into organization culture—people learn to say things that will earn them a nod even when it does not lead to growth. They stop raising concerns, stop taking risks and stop trying to excel because mediocrity is not only accepted, but expected from them.  

Fear is a natural thing though and leaders are humans too who are not devoid of this feeling. The high stakes of their role can make fear even more prominent and real. 

But there’s a difference between productive and unproductive fear—productive fear can make you challenge your assumptions, ask better questions, listen to others and be better prepared while unproductive fear can make you lean towards popular opinions, shut down differences of opinion and care more about protecting your image than solving problems.  

We often think of courage as an inherent trait, however, it is less about who people are, and more about how they behave, and show up in difficult situations. So feeling fear is not a barrier. The true underlying obstacle to brave leadership is how we respond to our fear. The real barrier to daring leadership is our armor, the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that we use to protect ourselves when we aren’t willing and able to rumble with vulnerability.
― Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

Instead of thinking of fear as a thing to avoid, you need to accept it while not letting it get in the way of how you act or make decisions. To do this, you need to watch out for signs of fear that can make people feel unsafe, unheard and unseen.

Fear of losing control

Do you lack trust in your team to make independent decisions? Do you worry about things going wrong if you’re not involved? Do you jump in at the first chance of trouble and try to fix things without letting your team take control?

If you feel the need to be part of every meeting, every decision and every small discussion, you have a fear of losing control. You can’t let go, can’t delegate, can’t rest without overseeing everything that happens in your team. 

Your desire to stay in control impacts your team’s performance—seeking your approval every step of the way prevents your team from thinking independently, making mistakes and learning from them. They become too dependent on you for every small decision. They don’t get the opportunity to step up and take charge. They don’t develop the confidence to solve problems without hand-holding. 

This is the crux of management: It is the belief that a team of people can achieve more than a single person going it alone. It is the realization that you don’t have to do everything yourself, be the best at everything yourself, or even know how to do everything yourself. Your job, as a manager, is to get better outcomes from a group of people working together.
― Julie Zhuo, The Making of a Manager

Instead of seeking control, share context. Empower your team to think and act on their own. 

Fear of failure

Do you refuse to take on new challenges with the worry you might fail? Do you stick to easy choices and safe bets? Do you choose a path of certainty because it’s less risky even though the path with ambiguity looks more promising?

If you’re risk-averse, focussed on avoiding mistakes and succeeding at all costs, you have a fear of failure. You don’t invest in experimentation, don’t create space for exploration and don’t encourage risk-taking. You stick to tried-and-tested approaches because you don’t like dealing with unknowns and uncertainty. 

Playing safe may get the job done, but it does not lead to growth. Not having the opportunity to face obstacles, handle conflicting situations or navigate the uncharted territory prevents your team from building the skills required to learn and grow, which leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction in the long-run.

The fear of failure kills creativity and intelligence. The only thing it produces is conformity.
― Anup Kochhar, The Failure Project

Instead of avoiding failure, embrace risks. Choose the hard path because it’s more rewarding in the end. 

Fear of criticism 

Do you consider disagreement as an attack on your intelligence? Do you consider differences of opinion as a challenge to your status and authority? Do you encourage opinions that match your viewpoint and reject ideas that are not inline with your assumptions and beliefs?

If you engage with others to prove your smartness, raise your self-esteem and consider any opposition or pushback as an attack to your status, you have a fear of criticism. You worry that others will not find you credible or your reputation will be damaged if you let them see your flaws and imperfections. This makes you abuse your power and position to silence your team and make them adopt faulty logic, outdated beliefs and less optimal solutions. You push for what you believe is right instead of showing curiosity to find the right solutions. 

When dissent is discouraged, people in the team stop sharing their thoughts because they don’t see the value in voicing their concerns. Issues that could have been avoided are not discussed. Better ideas never surface. People in the team feel unheard, dismissed and overlooked. Lack of safety to express openly creates an environment where people feel uninspired to excel. 

Psychological safety is the key to creating a workplace where people can be confident enough to act without undue fear of being ridiculed, punished, or fired – and be humble enough to openly doubt what is believed and done. As Amy Edmondson’s research shows, psychological safety emerges when those in power persistently praise, reward, and promote people who have the courage to act, talk about their doubts, successes, and failures, and work doggedly to do things better the next time.
― Robert I. Sutton, Good Boss, Bad Boss

Instead of looking down upon criticism, reward healthy disagreements. Value finding the right solution over being right.  

Fear of conflict 

Do you put off difficult conversations because they make you uncomfortable? Do you procrastinate and ignore the conflict instead of trying to face it head-on? Do you hope that the issue will resolve itself instead of actively trying to seek alignment and reduce misunderstandings?

If you keep avoiding difficult conversations because you don’t think you can handle them well, you have a fear of conflict. You worry about what to say, what to avoid and how to say it in a manner that does not hurt the other person or damage the relationship. You keep postponing the conversation with useless reasons and excuses because you fear saying the wrong thing or making things worse.

But putting off conflict can actually make things worse. Issues left unaddressed escalate over time. What was once a manageable problem can grow into a much larger issue if not addressed on time. Constant worry about unresolved issues can also take a toll on your mental health and lead to increased stress, anxiety and even feelings of helplessness. When important issues are being ignored or swept under the rug, it can erode trust, build resentment and damage relationships with your team. 

Beginning a conversation is an act of bravery. When you initiate a conversation, you fearlessly step into the unknown. Will the other person respond to favorably or unfavorably? Will it be a friendly or hostile exchange? There is a feeling of being on the edge. That nanosecond of space and unknowing can be intimidating. It shows your vulnerability. 
— Sakyong Mipham, The Lost Art of Good Conversation

Instead of putting off a hard conversation or delaying it forever, address issues directly. Providing clarity and closure will help you gain trust, respect and also alleviate stress. 

Fear of being disliked

Is likability important to you? Do you seek approval to please others? Do you go with the popular opinion as opposed to a more promising unpopular choice because you worry that not going with the majority will make them dislike you? Do you keep saying yes to requests even when they do not align with your goals because saying no can make others unhappy?

If being liked is at the core of how you behave, make decisions or how you act, you have a fear of being disliked. You try to people please your way through tough situations, challenges and setbacks instead of showing the courage to make the hard choices and stand apart. You try to play nice and refuse to give critical feedback because it creates a risk of becoming unpopular and unadmired. 

Likability and popularity leads to bad choices and poor decisions. It makes you unsee problematic behavior, ignore real problems and play favorites to those who charm you with their sweet talk and flattery. Seeking consensus and approval does not make others like you. It does not earn you trust and respect. Rather, it prevents you from emerging as a strong leader that others want to emulate. 

Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval. It’s driven by fear, not virtue.
― Aziz Gazipura, Not Nice

Instead of being liked, focus on building trust. Stand up. Speak up. Say no. Don’t be afraid of upsetting a few people in the short-term. 

Fear of appearing weak

Do you refuse to take responsibility for your decisions? Do you blame others for not getting the desired outcomes? Do you try to cover up your mistakes as accepting them makes you look incompetent? Do you project an image of strength because you consider vulnerability as a weakness?

If you don’t take responsibility and blame others or external circumstances for your situation, you have a fear of appearing weak. Instead of accepting when your decisions lead to bad outcomes, you look for justifications and excuses. Instead of trying to understand what went wrong when things don’t work out the way you anticipated, you look for a target to blame. Instead of owning up your mistakes, you try to hide them and pretend they don’t exist. 

Never showing vulnerability makes it hard for you to connect with people—putting on a facade of strength and imperfection makes you come across as fake and unreal. You also fail to hold people accountable in the team because you yourself don’t set a good example. 

Humility is a reflection of vulnerability; it is the self giving itself permission to say, “I don’t know everything.
― John Baldoni, Grace Under Pressure

Instead of pretending to be strong, take responsibility for your actions. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s a strength. 

Fear of losing credibility

Do you worry that if a project fails, it will reflect badly on you as a leader? Do you constantly look out for mistakes and try to correct them even before they’ve occurred? Do you point out flaws and shortcomings with the concern that if you miss catching them, others may question your expertise?

If you watch your team like a hawk and try to ensure nothing ever goes wrong, you have a fear of losing credibility. You closely monitor tasks, keep reminding your team not to miss anything and create a lot of fuss when there’s even a minor slip or small deviation from the expectations. 

When the team feels constantly judged and monitored, it lowers their morale. Always reminding them of the gaps without appreciating them for things they did well also makes them feel disregarded, undervalued and unappreciated. Your tendency to avoid mistakes at all costs creates a sense of fear and resentment in the team. 

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.
― Aung San Suu Kyi, Freedom from Fear

Instead of hunting for mistakes, build a resilient team that can face challenges and solve problems on their own. You’ll be more trusted and respected. 

Fear of change 

Do you delay decisions that require stepping out of your comfort zone? Are you reluctant to make changes to keep up with the future demands? Do you continue with old ways of doing things because the idea to change and adapt leads to stress and anxiety?

If you consider “change” as a thing to avoid instead of as a means to build a future-ready organization, you have a fear of change. You continue with projects that are no longer serving you well instead of investing in new opportunities. You don’t spin off new initiatives and restructure your organization to align with them. You keep doing the work that seems safe, familiar and easy. 

Continuing with old methods, practices and systems with the worry that any change might break what’s already working well leaves you behind—you fail to build an organization that can scale to future needs. Top performers in the team eventually leave as they get frustrated without learning and growth.  

Executives are often reluctant to accept the need for change; they may have a vested interest in the status quo, or they may feel that time will eventually vindicate their previous choices. Indeed, when we ask executives what prompts them to seek out blue oceans and introduce change, they usually say that it takes a highly determined leader or a serious crisis.
― W. Chan Kim, Blue Ocean Strategy

Instead of resisting change, embrace discomfort. Change may be challenging, but it’s an opportunity to grow and evolve.  

Summary

1. Fear of control can prevent you from empowering your team and become a bottleneck for everything that happens in the team. Build a team that can function independently.
2. Fear of failure can make you give up on opportunities that appear risky and stick to a safe path, impacting your team’s learning and growth. Make conscious bets, invest in taking risks. 
3. Fear of criticism can make you shut down differences of opinion and push others to accept your thinking, even when it’s suboptimal and biased. Make better choices by encouraging dissent.   
4. Fear of conflict can make you put off or avoid difficult conversations thereby turning a small problem into a major issue. Handle challenging conversations at the right time even if they’re uncomfortable at first.
5. Fear of being disliked can make you lean towards consensus instead of pushing for what’s right. Instead of seeking approval, learn to say no.
6. Fear of appearing weak can make you use blames and excuses to justify your outcomes instead of identifying what went wrong and taking steps to fix it. Take responsibility, own your mistakes.
7. Fear of losing credibility can make you constantly point out your team’s flaws and shortcomings making them feel judged and turn resentful. Stop pointing out mistakes and share your support. 
8. Fear of change can make you continue with the status quo instead of investing in opportunities that are necessary for future growth. Embrace change to grow and evolve.

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