How to Respond When an Employee Quits
As a manager, hearing that someone on your team quit is the most challenging experience. On the one hand, you’re worried about the impact it may have on your team, on the other you’re concerned about how it reflects on you as a manager. Though you have plenty of time to work things out, your mind immediately shifts to a panic mode and starts imagining the worst-case scenarios—What if I never find someone as good as them? What if another member of my team quits too? What if my team thinks they quit because of me?
Losing a top performer, someone you value in the team or someone with great potential is definitely upsetting. It may be hard to believe at first especially if it comes off as a total surprise—they seemed committed and engaged and you really cared for them, so what went wrong? Irrespective of how much you think about the situation or try to come up with a reason that justifies their decision, the outcome will never be a logical conclusion, but a pure guess.
Intentions are invisible. We assume them from other people’s behavior. In other words, we make them up, we invent them. But our invented stories about other people’s intentions are accurate much less often than we think. Why? Because people’s intentions are complex. Sometimes people act with mixed intentions. Sometimes they act with no intention, or at least none related to us. And sometimes they act on good intentions that nonetheless hurt us.
— Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations
Instead of cooking up stories in your mind, leave all judgments and opinions aside. Set up a meeting and talk to them. Even if you’re completely caught off guard and need to respond in the moment, these 4 practices will help you have a constructive and professional conversation.
What to say when an employee resigns
Take a moment to process the news
Knowing that someone on your team quit is never easy, but what makes the news even more unpleasant is hearing it from someone you value. Being caught off guard can make you say things that you regret later.
Instead of filling silence with words, pause and think about what you just heard. A few seconds to process the news can give you just the space needed to craft a thoughtful response as opposed to saying something inconsiderate, disrespectful or rude.
Being thoughtful isn’t about hiding what you really feel—it’s absolutely fine to express disappointment or surprise if it was unexpected. Saying something like “I didn’t expect that” or “I am a bit disappointed…” is much better than trying to cover up your real emotions.
Expressing how you feel also makes the conversation authentic, it makes you human—just the thing the person quitting expects to see and feel.
Authenticity is not something you have—it’s something you choose.
― Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations
Discuss options without jumping to conclusions
There can be many reasons why a person decides to leave the organization—better opportunities, more compensation, personal reasons or other interests. However, the first thought that comes to mind is “are they leaving because of me?” Are they unhappy with me as a manager? What have I done wrong? Have I not been good to them?
Personalizing the news adds an unwanted element to the equation that makes it harder to have a fruitful discussion. Assuming you’re the main reason behind their decision shifts the conversation from understanding their decision to validating your feelings. You’re no longer concerned about losing a valuable employee but about making sure you’re not the reason behind their decision.
Even if there’s truth to the fact that you have many areas of improvement, remember there’s no such thing as a perfect manager. Good management is all about learning, adapting and changing with times and not about being the best at everything.
Instead of assuming that their decision reflects on who you’re as a manager or that they’re unhappy about something, show curiosity to understand without jumping to conclusions. Instead of considering their decision as permanent, see if they’re open to reevaluating their options. You can’t know what they’re thinking and feeling without asking them first.
Start with acknowledging the value they bring to the organization and then ask one of these questions:
- I am curious to know why you’re leaving the organization.
- What do you plan to do next?
- What can I do as your manager to help you change your mind?
Don’t say anything else till they’ve spoken up—don’t assume it’s the compensation, role or opportunity. Embrace silence and give them time to speak up. It might take a little bit of nudge to get them to share some feedback—most people are hesitant to share the real reason behind the switch and try to sugar-coat the truth. Watch their body language, try to read between the lines and don’t assume that it’s true just because they’re saying something.
You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.
― Alison McGhee, All Rivers Flow To The Sea
Listen to them intently, ask questions and don’t try to defend if they say something hurtful. Your job isn’t to prove their decision wrong, but to identify ways in which you can make them change their mind. In doing so, don’t make promises you can’t keep or give false hope—be open about what’s within your control and what are the things you can’t change.
For example: If an employee is leaving because of an opportunity to work on new technology and it’s something that’s not in the scope of your current org within the foreseeable future, say so. However, help them see other growth opportunities, learning and support they will receive if they decide to continue with you.
Finally, if nothing you say or do convinces them to change their mind, respect their decision—it’s their career and they’re the best judge of what’s good for them. Don’t end up feeling defeated or disappointed. Rather, turn your disappointment into an opportunity—use their feedback to institute changes so that you don’t end up losing more talent. Ask “What can I as a manager and organization do better so that we don’t lose valuable employees like you?”
Master Difficult Conversations
Engage in healthy dialogue, build stronger relationships and achieve a better outcome.
Set expectations for a smooth transition
This is where most managers make the mistake. Instead of being upfront about what they expect them to do (or not do), most managers leave the conversation by simply agreeing on their last working day.
What if they break the news and the team does not take it right or what if they spread negativity? Even highly talented and smart employees can cause damage (intentional or unintentional) once they decide to leave the organization. Clear expectations on do’s and don’t are an important part of ensuring a smooth transition.
When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open.
— Kerry Patterson, Crucial Conversations
Come with a plan, ask them to do the same and then consolidate and agree on it:
- How and when will you announce their decision to the team? If they’re senior or someone who’s well regarded by the team, the news can be demotivating to certain members of the team. Plan this carefully.
- Are they an expert in a specific part of your product and need to train someone else on your team?
- What’s the impact on their existing goals or pending deliveries?
- What gaps do your team foresee once they leave?
- How much knowledge transfer is involved and what’s the scope of the activity? What do you wish to see as the end result and what’s the measure of success?
- Do you need documentation or other resources to help your team succeed?
- What support or resources do they need from you to make this easier?
Agreeing on this plan upfront will help them do their best job without disrupting the team or their momentum—a true win/win.
Be supportive, don’t make things harder
The person you valued and cherished in the team (your hero) has decided to leave the organization but that does not turn them into a villain. Don’t ignore them. Don’t make any sudden changes—remove them from a group or a meeting. Don’t stop involving them in decisions or projects they were leading. Give them space and time to make these changes slowly. Identify what kind of support they need and what you can do as a manager to make it easy for them.
Don’t engage in emotional drama or try to make them feel bad about their decision. Instead, be happy for them and show your support. Remember, the decision has nothing to do with you, it’s about them.
Viewing their decision through the lens of right or wrong, good or bad, loyal or disloyal is only bound to create friction while accepting it can lead to a long-lasting relationship that’s not bound by the terms of employment. And who knows, maybe you’ll get to work again together. After all, it’s a small world—you may team up with them on a new startup idea or they might be resourceful when it comes to finding your next job.
Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I’ll miss you until we meet again!
Summary
- The news of attrition creates a plethora of questions in your mind. You’re concerned about the gap they would leave and what it would mean for your team.
- Respond constructively and professionally to a resignation, don’t lead with hard feelings.
- Give yourself time to process the news when you first hear it. Pausing even for a few seconds is important to be thoughtful and considerate.
- Express curiosity to understand their decision and help them reconsider their options.
- If their decision is final and nothing you do can change it, accept it and agree on the handover and transition process.
- While they’re on notice, don’t make their life harder by showing anger or resentment. Continue to respect, support and coach them till their last working day.
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