Are You Getting The Feedback That You Need?

October 28, 2021

Most people kind of assume that the complete responsibility of giving the right feedback lies with the feedback-giver while ignoring the role that they play in the equation as the person on the receiving end of this feedback. You aren’t getting growth-oriented feedback not because others are unwilling to share it, it’s because you are not willing to do what it takes to get it right.

Getting plenty of feedback which isn’t actionable is as bad as getting no feedback. Stepping out of a feedback conversation that leaves you feeling good in the end without an understanding of how you can improve may be great for your self-esteem, but it will do nothing to advance you in the direction of your goals.

You cannot improve without actionable feedback. You cannot improve if you don’t know what you are doing wrong. You cannot improve if you don’t know what changes are necessary to move you forward.

Are you around people who complain that they don’t get the feedback they need to do better? Are you one of those people?

“I don’t know how I can be more impactful in my role. My manager always tells me that I am doing great, but she never tells me how I can do more.”

“The feedback that I get is so vague. It’s not even useful.”

“Last time I asked, my colleague told me that everything’s fine, but I can sense something is not.”

Think about it for a moment. Are you not getting the feedback you need because others aren’t giving it to you or is it because you aren’t taking the initiative to get the feedback that you need?

When I ask this question, many people opt for an easy answer – the problem is not me. It’s the person giving the feedback. They are either vague, dishonest or unwilling to share what they truly think. Most people kind of assume that the complete responsibility of giving the right feedback lies with the feedback-giver while ignoring the role that they play in the equation as the person on the receiving end of this feedback.

You aren’t getting growth-oriented feedback not because others are unwilling to share it, it’s because you are not willing to do what it takes to get it right. The problem is you, not them. In The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Jim Dethmer calls this “taking radical responsibility.” He writes “When we place blame, we locate the cause and control of our lives outside ourselves. When we take responsibility, we locate the cause and control of our lives inside ourselves.”

Getting the feedback that you need requires taking full responsibility with the belief that you have the power to drive your own growth at work as opposed to blaming someone else for not moving forward.

6 Strategies to get the feedback you need

Here’s how you can get growth-oriented feedback to understand how you collaborate, communicate and generate value at work:

1. Be mentally prepared

Wanting feedback is very different from embracing it. When getting feedback, it’s easy to look for only those opinions that coincide with your own beliefs or how you view yourself while getting defensive about anything that contradicts it. That’s just human nature.

Getting rid of our natural instincts requires the mental practice to accept feedback without judgment and opinion. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with every piece of advice or criticism that comes your way. It simply means being more open to what the other person has to say.

If you aren’t mentally prepared to let go of the discomfort and fear that such conversations tend to evoke, the resistance will naturally show up in your voice or body language. Others can sense when you are genuinely interested in their feedback and when you are out only to reaffirm your own beliefs and opinions.

Being comfortable with constructive feedback goes a long way in making the other person feel at ease in delivering it. And when they feel at ease, they will be much more honest in saying what they have to say. Douglas Stone calls this as “creating pull.”

In Thanks for the Feedback, he writes “Creating pull is about mastering the skills required to drive our own learning; it’s about how to recognize and manage our resistance, how to engage in feedback conversations with confidence and curiosity, and even when the feedback seems wrong, how to find insight that might help us grow. It’s also about how to stand up for who we are and how we see the world, and ask for what we need. It’s about how to learn from feedback—yes, even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you’re not in the mood.”

2. Identify what you need

There are many areas in which you can seek feedback – a recent project, a presentation, feedback on an idea, a new strategy, how you communicate and collaborate with others, whether you hold your team accountable or any other skills you may be practicing.

Depending on your line of work, where you stand in your professional journey and what next you want to do, feedback on some areas may be more valuable than others.

For example:

If you are a team lead looking to grow into a management role, learning how others view your management skills and taking steps to work on them will set you up for success at the next level.

If you are a leader of an organization, getting feedback on how well you communicate vision and strategy to your team could be highly valuable.

If you are an event speaker, getting feedback on your public speaking and presentation skills will help you land better speaking gigs.

Take some time to inquire and understand what feedback will be most valuable to you at the moment. When you know what you want, it’s much easier to align your energies in the right direction.

3. Time it right

When you ask for feedback is as important as what you ask for. Some feedback makes sense in real time while other feedback can be put off for later.

For example:

If you need specific feedback on how you delivered a presentation – moments where they felt disengaged, clarity of your key message, voice inflection – it makes sense to get it right after the presentation. This kind of feedback relies on the recency of the event and the quality of feedback will depend on how fresh the information is in the receiver’s mind.

If you need feedback on the quality of the project you recently delivered, waiting for a few days won’t hurt the feedback. Rather, your manager might have more information a few days after the project goes live to give you better quality feedback.

Another important aspect of time is timing it right from the perspective of the other person. Are they in the mood to give feedback? When will they be free?

Combining the two – asking for feedback when you need it and when the other person seems best available to do it – puts you in the best spot to get the feedback you need.

4. Make it specific

How many times have you asked someone “Do you have any feedback for me?” only to be told “No, everything’s great!” That’s the most common response to this question. I am guilty of asking this question early in my career as well. Only later did I realize why such questions don’t lead to any meaningful response.

See, most people try to avoid discomfort. A closed-ended question like this puts an onus on the feedback provider to think hard and fast and come up with feedback that makes sense and at the same time adds value to you. Not so easy especially when you put them on the spot. So, they choose a safer path which is to say no and get over it.

To get valuable feedback, you need to be specific. By asking a specific question, you enable them to focus on one line of thinking, making it easier and safer to provide feedback.

For example, questions like these have a much higher likelihood of getting the feedback you need:

What’s the one thing I can improve in how I collaborated with you on the last project?

What one thing did you not like about the design I presented today?

What one change would make you more open to considering this idea?

Warren Berger writes in A More Beautiful Question “Most creative, successful business leaders have tended to be expert questioners. They’re known to question the conventional wisdom of their industry, the fundamental practices of their company, even the validity of their own assumptions.” If you want valuable feedback, practice becoming this expert questioner.

5. Expand your boundary of comfort

It’s easier to get feedback from your work buddies, those you hang out with or the ones who might have something positive to share. They sit right within your comfort zone.

But your real growth is one step outside it. It requires facing people who might be upset with you, those who may have something negative to say, and those who are always open and honest about your work.

If growth is what you are after, stay honest with yourself and seek feedback from people who have valuable things to contribute even if they make you uncomfortable.

A great way to identify such people is to ask yourself these questions:

Who openly disagrees with my opinion?
Who might have valuable information about my performance on this project, idea, strategy?
Who seems genuinely interested in sharing feedback with others?
Who makes me uncomfortable?
Who are the people I tend to get into most conflicts with?
Who all are greatly impacted by my work?

6. Complete the feedback loop

Which feedback to apply and what to ignore? The decision is yours. You are the best judge of what makes sense for your own learning and growth.

Worse than ignoring criticism is to acknowledge the value in it and then do absolutely nothing about it. Deep down you want to implement the change but can’t come to terms with putting it into action.

As Seth Godin says in The Dip “Never quit something with great long-term potential just because you can’t deal with the stress of the moment.” Accepting feedback can be hard, but implementing a change can be even harder especially if it goes against what you hold dear, if it means giving up something you value.

Take time to process the feedback, do your research, ask questions and gather data. There’s no need to rush through a decision. But, once you know what needs to change, act on it. It may require you to create new plans, make adjustments, shift your commitments, update your goals but not doing them shouldn’t be an option.

Finally, don’t forget to thank the person whose feedback led to your growth. It will not only strengthen your relationship with them, but it will also make them feel comfortable to share more feedback next time.

Step by step, every relationship that you strengthen will lead to more feedback and every feedback will lead to more growth and better learning opportunities for you.

Summary

If you aren’t getting the feedback that you need to grow, look inward to your process for seeking feedback as opposed to blaming others for it.
By changing your mindset to be more growth-oriented and taking responsibility for your own development, you will increase your chances of getting the feedback you need.
Practice mental toughness to accept feedback without being defensive.
Spend time identifying and shortlisting areas where you need feedback. When you know what you want, it’s easier to align your actions with it.
If you are serious about getting the right feedback, time it right.
Make it easy for the other person to share feedback by highlighting a specific area in which you need feedback.
Your growth sits outside your boundary of comfort. Target people who make you uncomfortable.
Learn to separate noise from signal and put what’s useful into action. You won’t improve by getting feedback. You will improve by acting on it.